losing him
by wiccagirluk
Summary: Harrys decides to send Ron on a mission, now the consequences are felt. chapters in different points of view
1. Chapter 1

**Losing Him I**

**Harrys pov**

Harry looked around the room, he looked at his fiancé Ginny and at Mrs Weasley; finally he looked at his best friend Hermione. His heart was heavy, how could he tell them, tell her, that Ron was missing. He was the one that sent him, he was the one that convinced Ron to go to the mountains to chase Malfoy and his small group of death eaters. Hermione had begged and pleaded with Harry not to, she said she'd had a dream of the mission and that Ron would not return.

He had ignored her desperation. Ron was eager to go, he had sworn to catch Malfoy at all costs, not for his crimes against the wizard world, but for the pain he had inflicted on his beloved Hermione; for the things he had done to her and the things he had threatened to do. It was his love for her that willed him to go. It was Harry's hatred of Malfoy that allowed him to send Ron over any of his trained aurors, and now he was faced with telling Hermione that Ron was missing, and after only a year of marriage she may be a widow.

He had flooed Ginny at their home and told her to make sure everyone was at the Burrow when he arrived from the Ministry. Ginny knew then. He looked around the room and swallowed. He couldn't find the words.

"its Ron isn't it?" Ginny said, he nodded back in confirmation.

"he's missing?" Hermione asked, he nodded again, there were no words in his throat, "is he dead?" he heard her say as she stood and walked towards him.

"I don't know, it's possible, probable." was all he could answer. She slapped him hard across the cheek, the sound of it rung out through the room.

"I hate you Harry Potter," she screamed, "I hate you." Mrs Weasley took her arms and led her away both of them trembling, tears streaking their faces.

Ginny ran to Harry and hugged him, her own tears dropping against his shirt.

"she didn't mean it Harry."

"yes she did and she has every right to. She begged me not to send him, she said he wouldn't come back. I didn't listen, I let my own hatred of Malfoy blind me. She should hate me."

"Harry, I'm not sure if I should tell you this, but, she had some news today," she drew in an uncertain breath, "she's pregnant Harry."

He felt the news crash against him, the weight of his decision, the consequences, his selfishness. All of it hit him, and he thought his knees may buckle under the pressure. Too many children had grown up alone, no mothers, no fathers, all thanks to Voldermort. Harry knew better than any of them how this felt, Voldermort was defeated and now it was Harry that would cause another child to grow up without a father. This was not how it should be, they should be celebrating now, not mourning. He turned from Ginny's arms and left the Burrow, she shouted after him.

"where are you going?"

His reply was short, "to find him." and he apparated away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Losing Him II: Ginny**

Ginny sat in the room, Hermione next to her and the rest of the Weasley's scattered around. Harry stood looking at them. Her heart was heavy, she didn't envy him. She knew the news he was bringing, she had known since he flooed her and asked her to make sure everyone was at the Burrow. She knew by the sadness in his eyes now that he was going to tell them her brother was missing. She glanced to Hermione, the brown haired young woman was sitting nervously, she had been in pieces since Ron had left. They had only been married a year and despite the death eaters that continued to roam, she believed they had done their duty, spilled their blood for the cause. She wanted to live. Now she may have to face being a widow, no, Ginny thought, I can't think like that.

She knew she had to be strong for Hermione. It was only a matter of hours ago that Ginny had accompanied her to the healers, there they had received the news that Hermione was pregnant. When they told the other Weasley's they had all screamed and yelled with excitement, but Ginny knew that her best friend felt nothing but sadness. She looked back to Harry, he couldn't find the words.

"its Ron isn't it?" she asked him, he just nodded. Ginny almost jumped when she heard Hermione's voice.

"he's missing?" she asked, Harry nodded again. Ginny tried to reach for Hermione, to hold her, comfort her. But the other woman stood and slipped from her reaching hands, "is he dead?" she watched Hermione walk towards Harry and she winced at his reply.

"I don't know, possibly, probably." Ginny sucked in a breath as Hermione slapped him across the cheek, the sound ringing in her ears.

"I hate you Harry Potter, I hate you." Hermione screamed, Ginny leapt to her feet but was beaten by Mrs Weasley who put her arms around her daughter in law and led her away both trembling, Ginny saw tears and felt her own on her cheeks.

"she didn't mean it Harry." she told her fiancé as she embraced him.

"yes she did and she has every right to, she begged me not to send him, she said he wouldn't come back. I didn't listen, I let my own hatred of Malfoy blind me, she should hate me." she didn't know about this, neither had mentioned it and she had to wonder why.

She pushed the sadness and anger away, swallowing her horror and fear. He had to know, she felt it was only right.

" Harry, I'm not sure if I should tell you this, she had some news today, she drew in an uncertain breath, "she's pregnant Harry." she looked up in his eyes and she saw then the turmoil and the doubt, the weight of the situation and the fear, all reflected in his eyes. She knew what he was thinking, another child without a parent, it's not supposed to be like this. When Voldermort died, they were supposed to live. He pulled free from her embrace and she watched him walk from the Burrow, she shouted after him.

"where are you going?"

His reply was a whisper on the wind, but clear, "to find him." he apparated away.

Ginny collapsed to the ground, sobs wracking her frame, she prayed to who ever would listen that her fiancé and brother would come back safe, for all their sakes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Losing Him III**

**Hermione's pov**

Hermione sat in the room, Ginny next to her. Harry was standing looking at them, she didn't dare to look up at him. She was too scared of what she might see, of what he might say. She hadn't coped well since Ron had left to search the mountains and the thought that he might not come back drove her half mad. She had asked Ron not to go but she knew why he had, Malfoy had made too many threats and Ron loved her too much to allow those threats to go unchecked. She knew that Ron wanted Malfoy punished for the things he had already done to her, but she insisted that it didn't matter, she had fully healed now, there was no permanent damage and while she thought he deserved to go to Azkaban for it, there were Aurors to sort that out.

She had next gone to Harry, she had begged him not to send Ron, after everything they had gone through, they had paid their dues, spilled their blood, she wanted to live now, to raise a family with her husband. That was why Ron had left the Auror office in the first place. They had only been married a year, she wasn't ready to be a widow yet. Her throat was tight and her breathing uneasy. She held one hand to her stomach, today she had been told she was pregnant, all the Weasley's were overjoyed, but without Ron to share the news she just felt empty and sad.

"its Ron, isn't it?" she heard Ginny ask and she looked up willing Harry to say no, but he nodded his head. Her heart broke in two.

"he's missing?" she heard a voice ask and then realised it was her own. Her world was crumbling, Harry nodded again and she felt an unfamiliar feeling of anger, that he would not speak. She rose from the chair, "is he dead?" she asked as she walked towards him.

"I don't know, it's possible, probable." he replied, the anger turned to rage and exploded out, she slapped him hard across the cheek. She room gasped as the sound echoed, she didn't even feel it, tears flowed down her cheeks.

" I hate you Harry Potter, I hate you." she screamed. The world had ended, and she felt a grief, anger and hurt, crashing over her in waves. She stared in to his eyes and saw a light slowly dim, she felt Mrs Weasley take her arms and she was being led away, away from the man she once knew as friend and brother.

Sobs were racking her body, she couldn't take it, he wasn't just her husband, he was her soul mate. The other part of her and now he was missing, probably dead, she felt as though she had been ripped in two. She heard the dull voices of Harry and Ginny talking and a door shut, Ginny's cries joined her own. She prayed to who ever was listening to bring him back. She sent her thoughts to Ron, willing him to hear her, to come home. Come back to me,. She thought, come back please, I need you. Then she felt darkness steel over her and she was engulfed in it, like a blanket of sadness pulled over her body and her eyes closed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Giving Up, Giving In I **

**Harry's pov**

Harry stood at the gate that marked the entrance to the Burrow, it had been four months since he'd been here, four months since Ron's disappearance. Harry knew everyone was angry with him, Ginny was angry at him for leaving, Hermione was angry at him for choosing to send Ron in the first place and the rest of the Weasley's for the strain he had put on both girls. He was tired and aching, he'd spent months chasing leads in the mountains, desperately trying to find his missing friend. In the end all he had found was Ron's wedding ring, buried in the dirt at his last known location.

How can I do this, he thought, how can I go back there and tell them the same thing I told them four months ago. He had spoken to Ginny a few times via the floo network, and she had told him of Hermione's worsening condition. The pregnancy was hard and made harder still by the young woman's refusal to carry on. Everyday Ginny and her Mother had to force her to eat, drink, to get out of bed. It broke Harry's heart to think of the pain she was going through and he knew it was all his fault.

He took a breath and walked to the property, knocking the front door cautiously, he felt like a stranger, Ginny opened the door.

"Harry." she squealed and she pulled him into a fierce hug. The entered the house. The scene much the same as the last time. Mrs Weasley looked more tired than before and had dark circles under her eyes, but to Harry the worst sight by far was that of his best friend. She was sitting on the couch and though the pregnancy was obvious by the fairly large bump, she looked positively gaunt, her skin translucent and pale, her face fixed with a vacant expression, she didn't acknowledge his presence. Mrs Weasley hugged him and kissed him, deplored his thin frame, the other Weasley's shook his hand and welcomed him, but he knew they were waiting for his news.

He pushed his way through them and went to Hermione, he knelt in front of her, he cautiously took the ring from his pocket and held it out to her. She looked up, seeing him for the first time, she took the ring and felt more tears spill.

"is he dead?" she asked him once again, and once again he answered the only way he could.

"I don't know, possibly, probably." he felt guilt settle on him, "this was all I could find."

"you're giving up?" she asked softly, he was disturbed by how emotionless her voice was, he had no reply for her, he didn't want to give up. But he didn't know how to carry on. "she saw the answer in his eyes, "then it's over." she said, he watched her lie down on the couch and close her eyes, her breathing became shallow. Harry jumped back and the room bustled into frantic panicked movement. Mrs Weasley at Hermione's side instantly.

Is this it? He thought, is it over? Her watched her breathing become even more shallow, he knew without Ron, she saw no reason to live. So now, he thought, I've caused the death of my two best friends.


	5. Chapter 5

**A Rose I**

**Harry's pov**

Harry rushed into frantically, he raced along corridors, up stairs and finally, his destination. He approached the young witch at the healers station, "Weasley," he said, "Hermione Weasley."

"straight down, at the end." she replied.

As he reached the end of the corridor he saw all the Weasley's there. He greeted them. "Molly and Ginny are with her," Arthur informed him, "its touch and go, she's a month early" Harry sat with them, he doubted Hermione would want him there but he wouldn't miss it for the world. He sent a silent prayer and apology to Ron, wherever he was and his mind drew back to a conversation had long ago, the day of Ron and Hermione's wedding in fact.

"_You ready mate?__"__ Harry asked his nervous friend._

"_I__'__ve been ready for this day since I was eleven,__"__ Ron replied in complete seriousness. __"__You know Harry, we__'__ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and it__'__s you we__'__ve got to thank for it. Without you I wouldn__'__t be here today.__"_

"_Of course you would mate.__"_

"_No I wouldn__'__t, you__'__ve looked out for me for a long time and I know it__'__s early days but well, eventually, at some point, we__'__ll have kids and when we do I want you to be Godfather,__"__ he struggled slightly to find the words, __"__because, because well I know that oh hell I don__'__t know, you know what I__'__m trying to say Harry don__'__t you.__"_

"_I know, I know. I__'__d be honoured Ron. Come on lets get you married.__"_

Harry stirred from his memory and once again felt the crushing guilt that refused to ever go away, he knew it would haunt him forever, in this life and the next.

Suddenly Mrs Weasley burst out of the room in front of them, scaring them all half to death, a large grin across her face.

"It's a girl." she screamed.

"Blimey" said Arthur, "a girl that's unusual." it was well known that the Weasley bloodlines favoured boys and girls were few and far between.

"She's going to be called Rose, that's what Ron wanted," she finished sadly "they talked about it before." she couldn't finish.

"how's Hermione?" Harry asked, Mrs Weasley looked at him through watery eyes.

"She's ok, she just needs a little time." she told him, she turned and went back to her new granddaughter, the rest of the Weasley's close behind.

Harry hung back, he desperately wanted to go with them, but his courage failed him. He peeked through the window in the door, the Weasley's were all hovered around the new baby. He noticed that Hermione had turned away and didn't look once at the child.

"I'm sorry Ron," he said to the air, "I'm so sorry" and it was then in that moment, in the hospital corridor, that Harry finally and completely broke down and cried.


	6. Chapter 6

**Coming Home I**

**Harry's pov**

Harry sat in the Burrow's living room, a quiet smile on his face. He watched Hermione opposite him, holding her two month old daughter. He felt for the first time in almost a year that life may be okay.

The first month of Roses birth was hard, Hermione refused to so much as look at her daughter. She had her fathers eyes and anyone looking at her would tell straight away who she belonged to. But one day Harry saw her peering curiously into Roses cot and now at two months they were inseparable. He felt happy also in the knowledge that Hermione had allowed him back into her life. He had even held Rose once. Although he still felt guilty when he looked at them.

Mrs Weasley was in the kitchen, washing up and he decided he would help if he could as he entered the room his vision caught a figure walking towards the house. It was a man, tall and thin, he was limping and he had flaming red hair, _obviously a Weasley, but I don__'__t recognise him. _Harry thought. Mrs Weasley looked also, the both looked to each other as the possibly sank in. They raced outside. Harry could see the man's face clearly now and his heart sank as it was not a face he knew. He approached the man, he looked deep into the strangers eyes and there he saw the friend he knew.

"Ron?" he asked,

"Hey" the man replied in a rough voice, Mrs Weasley ran past Harry and enveloped her youngest son into a fierce embrace, she cried hot tears and they stung her cheeks.

"Ron, what happened? Are you alright? We thought you were dead. So much as happened. Oh my son, you're home." she rambled.

"Mom, please" he said, "I'm so glad to be home and I've missed you so much, but I need." he didn't need to finish his sentence.

"She's inside." Harry told him.

They walked back to the house, Harry in front, Mrs Weasley behind holding Ron's arm in a vice like grip in case he should vanish.. His face was so much older now, and darker, scared and tired.

Harry walked into the sitting room and approached Hermione. He smoothly took Rose from her mothers arms and in as calm a voice as he could managed he announced, " you have a visitor."

She looked up towards the doorway and locked eyes with the most beautiful sight she thought she had ever seen.

"Ron" she screamed and lunged at him, they held each other and cried. The sight made Harry cry to. He thanked whatever God was listening for bringing his friend home.

The two pulled apart and looked into faces so different from the last time they had been together.

"What happened to you?" Hermione asked her husband. His face so weary and dark.

"What happened to you?" he asked back, her face so pale and gaunt.

"It doesn't matter." they both said in unison.

"Right now we're together." he told her, "that's enough for me." Ron heard a slight cough to the side of them and turned to see his best friend holding a small baby. Before he could even ask. Harry placed the tiny bundle into his arms.

"Here you go Dad." Harry said smiling. Ron held the baby close and looked at Hermione. She smiled and nodded.

"Rose." she said and put her arm around him, he stared down in wonder at the child.

Harry felt the guilt slowly recede, just a little as joy filled his heart at last. After ten long months his best friend had come home and his family was once again complete.


End file.
